"A man’s home is his castle." How many times have we heard that phrase? But, have you ever actually given much thought to what this cliche’ means? Most people seem to think that it means no-one — neither criminals nor constables — are permitted to cross one’s threshold without permission (although individual sovereignty is mostly a fanciful concept in today’s society). Others believe that it means the man is "king"— and everyone else in the household must do as he says (which may very well result in a "coup"). As you can see, people can twist these words around to make them concur with their own personal belief system (however flawed it may be), just as zealots can select passages from holy books to justify terrorism and genocide.

I feel that a man’s "castle" is a place where he can relax, do what he pleases, and feel safe. Unfortunately, many people do not truly have a "castle"— even if they’re a rural homeowner. A bickering wife and screaming children can turn one’s home into a hell on Earth, best avoided through working overtime and spending long hours with friends. Teenaged children who turn your abode into a "hangout" for their friends can have a deleterious effect on your privacy (not to mention your liquor cabinet and CD collection). And the presence of contraband (like a potted cannabis sativa bush that you originally grew as a "joke," or the sawed-off shotgun you found in an alley back when you were in high school) can give the police all the justification they need to authorize a team of "ninja-commandos" to kick down your door and terrorize your family. If there is a problem within your "castle" which is causing discord, or if you are in possession of forbidden items (even though no criminal intent may exist), steps will need to be taken to correct the situation so you’ll be able to properly relax.

First, nothing unlawful should be permitted inside your home. The shoebox full of marijuana smoking paraphernalia (from your college days), stuffed way in the back of your closet, should probably be dug out and properly disposed of (do not put it out on the curb with the rest of your garbage!). The crappy Mexican switchblade with the worn-out spring should probably be tossed in the river. The sten gun "kit" that a friend bought through the Shotgun News, and never figured out how to put together, should probably be chopped up with a Sawzall and tossed in the dump.

Furthermore, if you have teenaged children, they should be made aware that their rooms may be inspected at any time. If you are not involved in illegal activities, there should be nothing in your home which might suggest otherwise. However, if you have a growroom in your attic and sell bags of weed to the neighborhood burnouts, you truly have no expectation of privacy, and can reasonably expect to eventually be burglarized, robbed, or raided. If you (or your teenagers) are committing crimes in the same home that you share with your family, then you’re an irresponsible dimwit who’d probably be better off in prison anyway.

Next, your home should be made safe. It should be cleaned regularly, to reduce clutter and eliminate germs. The smoke detectors should all be tested, and your fire extinguishers should be fully charged. Non-essential appliances (coffee maker, toaster oven, iron, etc.) should always be unplugged immediately after use. If there is a loaded gun in the house, it should be locked away if the possibility exists that children might be snooping about. Make sure that your driveway (along with the footpath, sidewalk, steps, and porch) is kept free of ice, and that your bathtub is slip-resistant. Always check the locks and the stove before retiring for the evening. Most fires, accidents, and intrusions could’ve been prevented with only a minimum of forethought.

Then, rules should be addressed (and strictly adhered to) in regards to guests and their behavior. As a general rule, you should expect the courtesy of being notified in advance that guests will be expected at a certain time, and the person who invites them will do so with the knowledge that they shall be held accountable for the guest’s misconduct.

Finally, an understanding must be worked out between your wife, your children, and yourself. Everyone will be permitted to freely speak whatever is on their mind, as long as they don’t shout or become abusive — screaming will not be tolerated under any circumstances. If someone has a problem or concern, it should be addressed so steps may be taken to remedy it. If a family member believes their concern is valid, it should not be ridiculed or discounted — you may not be in possession of all the necessary facts. Your family members should not be insulted, condescended to, or ignored — and they should never be struck! Remember, your family has access to the food you eat, and you have to go to sleep sometime . . . it truly does not benefit you to act like a tyrant. Your family can be a valuable asset in time of need, and they should be treated with respect, kindness, and love.

Once your home is peaceful and secure, you may then think of it as your "castle," and take solace in the tranquility therein.