DISCLAIMER

This is one of the most controversial essays at our site. It will discus the topic of suicide — specifically, possible alternatives to suicide, as well as a listing of the very few circumstances under which suicide might prove a valid option. I can imagine certain types of individuals yelling the equivalent of, "LOOK! They’ve got an essay telling people how to kill themselves!" On the contrary — this essay is primarily anti-suicide, and will delineate various methods by which one should not attempt to kill oneself. This essay does not, in any way, endorse or encourage the act of self-termination.

INTRODUCTION:

Sometimes, it seems like everything you touch turns to shit, and things ain’t never gonna get better. Even the best of us have moments like this on rare occasions. Those of the warrior class, often misunderstood and having high expectations of those around them (as well as extremely high expectations of themselves) seem to feel negative emotions more poignantly than everyone else (and also have a far better capability of actually following through with their intent — whatever it may be). Certain psychologists have coined the term "Dark Night of the Soul" for one’s deepest point of despair. It can result in transformation or destruction, but rarely leaves one unchanged. Much has been written about the subjects of depression, suicide, self-improvement, and positive thinking, and you are encouraged to peruse such literature if you think it may be of help to you (although the majority of the books we’ve seen on the subjects seem a bit too wussified to have much application for those of the warrior class). At the risk of sounding like a vulgarian, I can offer one bit of sound advice for those of you who’re seriously considering ending it all — most things work themselves out after a couple of days, and there are few depressions so bleak that they can’t be cured by a bong hit and a blowjob. Shit happens . . . deal with it!

Contrary to what most people seem to think, suicide will not magically cure all of your problems. Please consider the following:

1.) You will leave a mess for someone to clean up.

2.) You will probably upset a few people who care about you.

3.) Your life insurance policy may be nullified.

4.) Your friends (and enemies) will think of you as weak and pathetic.

5.) God, the Spirits, your ancestors, and whatever else you might believe in, will probably be plenty pissed off at you.

"Self-Termination" is defined here as "willful destruction of oneself." In can be broken down into two primary categories: Pseudo-Destruction of the Psychological (or Mental) Self, and Actual Destruction of the Physical Self. We shall refer to the aforementioned categories of destruction henceforth as "Metamorphosis" and "Suicide," respectively.

METAMORPHOSIS:

Many people kill themselves for what appears to be trivial or insufficient reasons. Often, a number of stressors have resulted in a brief period of emotional instability, which when combined with alcohol (or certain other intoxicants), results in depression and despair. The individual truly believes that any future prospects for happiness are bleak, and often decides to destroy his (or her) physical form to put an end to their sadness. Let us examine this syndrome more closely.

What are a few of the more common excuses for offing oneself? They can include: Loss of employment; Dissolution of a relationship; Overwhelming debts; or Death of a loved one. These are all very stressful and upsetting occurrences, particularly when one must deal with two or more of the aforementioned events simultaneously. It is understandable that one might be distraught under such circumstances, but would it really be necessary to end one’s life because of them?

A few less significant (but frequently cited) reasons people kill themselves may include: "Nobody likes me," "I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life," "I’m ugly," "My life is meaningless," "My life sucks," "I’m ashamed of myself," "My investments bottomed out," "My business failed," "I’m underemployed with no chance of advancement," or "I just feel like shit all the time." Sure, a weak individual could fixate on one (or more) of these reasons until they’re thoroughly depressed, but these are all incredibly stupid reasons to self-terminate!

What people need to realize is that most setbacks are only temporary. Even if it takes several years to recover financially, find a better job, start a new relationship, adjust to one’s injuries, or finally discover some semblance of happiness/pride/contentment, it can be done! Human beings are very adaptable, and those on the warrior path are far more resilient than the average individual. To better deal with social anxieties, one simply needs to accept the unfortunate fact that most people are sheeplike drones fixated on what is "popular," and disparaging that which is different — in short, they are mostly self-indulgent assholes whose ignorant opinions simply do not matter. Many people seem to kill themselves simply because the pressure of too many stressors has pushed them beyond their limited ability to cope, resulting in a devastating emotional breakdown which often results in self-destructive behaviors (which usually exasperates the situation by adding even more stressors) or actual suicide. This can be avoided through separating oneself from one’s circumstances intellectually. Such separation can be the result of a zen-like tranquility, or even an altered state of consciousness (although not one induced by drugs or alcohol) in which material attachments seem to lose their importance. This secret of detachment is why monks generally seem cheerful and unperturbed in the face of adversity.

Are you ruined financially? Perhaps you’ll need to declare bankruptcy and go live in a trailer in the woods (or even rent a friend’s spare room), but it is unlikely that a well-adjusted individual with supportive friends and family would ever find themselves actually homeless. With few exceptions, most homeless people have alienated themselves from all family members and former friends through repeatedly exhibiting the repellant behaviors commonly associated with drug abuse, deviancy, and psychopathy, including violence and theft. As long as you are a decent human being with adequate social skills and average intelligence, there is a very high probability that you will survive. There are much worse things than being poor. If, however, you’ve actually been reduced to living on the streets, panhandling and eating out of dumpsters, it might very well be in your best interest (as well as everyone else’s) to end your life with as much dignity as you can muster, if it realistically appears that your situation will only get worse (be aware that many "homeless shelters" make you attend church services, do chores, and abide by a long list of petty regulations as a condition of living in a filthy dormitory and eating soup and sandwich twice daily, kicking people out after a single infraction).

Does it seem like there is nothing for you? No opportunities for a better job, satisfactory social activities, or romance? If the area in which you happen to live has stagnated, perhaps it would prove beneficial if you were to move elsewhere. As long as you think things through, and set things up in advance (finding a new job and home), this isn’t nearly as drastic as it may seem.

Perhaps you look in the mirror and are unhappy with what you see. Are you slothful? Do you procrastinate? Do you have poor social skills? Do you have bad habits or self-destructive tendencies? Are you afraid to assert yourself? Have you failed to achieve your goals? Do you hate what you have become? Believe it or not, it is possible to actually say, "I hate myself, so I am going to become a different person." This is not "running away from one’s problems," nor is it some touchy-feelie "self-improvement" crap. I am talking about deleting a significant portion of one’s persona and replacing it with new programming. If you hate yourself so much that you’re actually considering sucking a bullet out of your gun, this is much easier to accomplish. If you suddenly stop taking various personal crises so seriously, and begin having an "I just don’t give a fuck" attitude, life becomes a great deal less stressful.

Basically, what I am attempting to convey is that if you do not like yourself, or your current situation, there is usually something you can do to change things. And, in the event that tangible change is impossible, you can always alter your perception of the world around you. You are what you do and what you think — don’t let anyone try to convince you that you’re trapped in a hopeless situation. If you possess the necessary willpower, it is possible to give yourself a total intellectual overhaul, in effect creating a new person in your place.

SUICIDE:

Very few circumstances legitimately give one justification to physically self-terminate. Life is a precious gift, and we are meant to use the limited amount of time we are allotted in the physical to learn valuable lessons by which we can better ourselves. If one chooses to spurn this gift by throwing it away needlessly, the consequences can be severe. Everybody suffers through various traumas, yet we become stronger and wiser having survived them, and can even apply the lessons learned to help others. It is a grave offense to end one’s life without a damn good reason.

A few reasons that one might feel justified in ending one’s life shall now be briefly addressed:

1.) ILLNESS: Being an invalid sucks, especially if one is in great pain with no hope of recovery. Various cancers, and other wasting or degenerating diseases by which one’s body gradually breaks down and fails to function, can be degrading as well as painful. Nobody wants to be a burden to their loved ones, and the treatment one might receive from a nursing home (or a minimum wage earning "Home Health Care Aide") will probably not be to your liking. If you’ve lost all control over your bodily functions, seem to be losing your mind, and need to be hooked up to machines, perhaps it would be best to meet death on your own terms while you’re still able to.

2.) WAITING TO DIE: If you’ve been mortally injured, with no medical assistance forthcoming, and expect to be lying in agony for hours until your inevitable demise, it would be understandable if you chose to hasten things along. Two examples of how one could sustain such injuries would be if one were either mangled in a car wreck or riddled with bullets in a gunfight. If you cannot be saved, or do not wish to be, many people might consider self-termination as a way of ending their pain.

3.) IMPRISONMENT: If you’ve killed someone, or committed another major felony which will garner you upwards of 15 years in prison upon your inevitable conviction, you could hardly be blamed for choosing to "opt out" of the whole justice system facade. In my opinion, death would be far preferable to spending the rest of one’s life (or the greater part of it) incarcerated in one of this country’s Draconian "correctional" facilities. I would strongly recommend terminating oneself while free, rather than waiting until one is actually incarcerated, where your choices of departure will be far more limited (strangulation with a torn bedsheet, poisoning by swallowing a handful of cigarette butts, or exsanguination by chewing one’s wrists open). A couple of years, you can probably take, but most people would rather die than spend 15 years in the dungeons — especially if they’re old, sick, or weak.

4.) DISHONOR: If you’ve stolen a friend’s life savings, ratted out a partner to spare yourself, or forcibly raped somebody — irregardless of whatever "excuse" you might think you have for doing so — you are a worthless piece of shit who would be doing the world a big favor by offing yourself. It is right for you to feel ashamed . . . so stop breathing my air! If you are a man of honor, you will never find yourself in such a situation.

Virtually anything, short of these four examples, can be survived through perseverence. If, however, one of the aforementioned examples someday applies to you, and you wish to avoid further unnecessary suffering through euthanasing yourself, there are still factors to consider. The three most important being: Will your method of choice be quick and efficient? Will people understand why you’ve done it? and, Will there be a mess for someone to clean up?

There are a whole lot of ways not to do it. Overdoses can result in a coma, brain damage, or liver failure. Poisoning can result in an extended bout of vomiting and diarrhea prior to expiration. An automobile "accident" can leave you mangled and twitching for hours. Slitting one’s wrists is slow and messy. Disembowelment is slow, messy, and incredibly painful. Jumping in front of a vehicle not only involves an innocent motorist, but it can also tear you apart without immediately killing you. Jumping from a great height will splatter you like a bug on a windshield, which is no way to go. Immolation, electrocution, and gassing can all fail, resulting in your being trapped in a ruined body for the remainder of your tormented existence. And "suicide by cop" could easily result in your being transferred to the hospital wing of a correctional facility with all sorts of tubes running in and out of you. The aforementioned methods are all fallible, making them very bad ideas.

Shooting oneself is probably the most efficient way to go, but even that tried-and-true method can go horribly wrong. For example, if you were to use a low powered firearm (.22, .25, .32, or .38), you could easily turn yourself into a brain-damaged vegetable. If you press the muzzle too far forward of your temple, you could simply blow the backs of your eyes out, leaving you blind and screaming. If you stick the muzzle up under the point of your chin (even with a shotgun), you could simply blow the front of your face off. If you’re going to do it — do it right. Take a magnum revolver (or sawed off shotgun loaded with slugs) and either shoot yourself in the mouth (firing upwards into the brain), or cock back the hammer and press the muzzle directly between your eyes before pulling the trigger. This will give you better than an 85% chance of successful self-termination (there are no guarantees in life . . . or death).

If the reason is not glaringly obvious to everyone why you’ve decided to kill yourself, it might be considerate to leave a note behind. Try to be positive about your decision, and let your loved ones know that you truly had no choice, and that this was not their fault. Make certain that all your affairs are in order, and that a will shall clearly establish how your belongings shall be distributed. Be aware that suicide will void most life insurance policies within the first two years.

Whatever you do, do not eat your gun in the house! When a person shoots themselves in the head, brains spray across the walls and ceiling, and the heart will continue to pump blood out the hole for a while longer. It will make a huge mess, ruining upholstery, carpeting, and wallpaper. The stains will be impossible to clean, the entire house will start to reek like spoiled burgermeat, and your loved ones will be finding bits of skull and brain for weeks. It is totally inconsiderate to empty one’s brain pan in the your bedroom, livingroom, or automobile! If you must eat your gun, please do it outside . . . your family will appreciate your thoughtfulness.