This section is fraught with vague generalities and is not to be construed as legal counsel!

Why might a righteous individual be confronted by a police officer? The potential reasons are far too numerous to list here, but a few of the more common ones have been provided:

You could be pulled over for speeding.

You might need to file an official report or complaint.

You could be approached by a policeman who seems to want to make conversation.

You (or a friend or co-worker) might call the police for assistance.

You might be questioned as a possible witness to a crime.

You might be interrogated as a possible suspect in a crime.

And you might even be arrested for defending yourself versus an unlawful attack.

Needless to say, each of these situations would be handled a little differently. However, four basic rules should always be adhered to: Be non-threatening. Be respectful. Know your rights. Don’t incriminate yourself.

This is of the upmost fucking importance! A staggering number of pea-brained dipshits seem to think that they can intimidate the police (just as they intimidate others around them) by yelling and waving their arms about . . . they quickly learn otherwise. A policeman does not like to take shit from stupid people, and yearns for an excuse to thump on some idiot dumb enough to make threatening gestures (and at the first indication of violence, he will call for "backup" so all his buddies have a chance to get in on the action as well — and they can be there in seconds). A policeman will hose someone down with pepperspray without hesitation in the event that he feels his "safety may be in jeopardy." If the individual continues to "resist," he is duly authorized by law to smack the individual’s limbs and torso with his baton until he has "regained control of the situation." If he believes that the individual is attempting to draw a weapon, he is even permitted to blast him in the face. You need to realize that fighting with the police is one of the most ill-advised stunts a monkey can pull — it is highly unlikely that an individual could "win," and even if he did succeed in escaping his problems are virtually guaranteed to escalate dramatically.

Not only do many cops secretly long for the times they get to pound on someone who truly deserves it, but some cops are rather twitchy, and may blow you away if you happen to move a little too quickly under questionable circumstances (i.e.: if you, or your vehicle, "fit the description" of someone who had just committed a violent crime). For this reason, whenever you are being questioned by the police in their official capacity, it is important that you refrain from making sudden movements, and never let your hands out of their sight!

Always pay attention to what you are being told — cops do not like having to tell people something twice (especially if they’ve drawn their weapons). Do what you are told, exactly. Do not volunteer information, nor do anything else without being specifically asked to. If you do not understand what a policeman has asked you to do, or if he has asked you to do something unlawful or inappropriate (such as submit to a "voluntary" search, or tell him about your driving record or criminal history), you can simply sit still while you calmly explain why you cannot comply with his request — just don’t get lippy!

In the event that you are being pulled over by the police (for speeding, broken taillight, or whatever), immediately turn on your right directional and pull over to the shoulder of the road. Place the vehicle in "Park," turn off your stereo, and roll down your side window (cops hate people who need to be asked to do this). If it is dark out, be sure to turn on your vehicle’s interior light (this will calm the officer down a bit, and show that you have "nothing to hide"). Keep both hands on the steering wheel and wait for the officer to approach you. Do not unclip your safety belt to retrieve your wallet, or dig through the glovebox for your paperwork, until specifically asked to do so (in many cases, especially for minor things, you may not even be asked to produce your registration and insurance cards). You are advised to appear calm, friendly, and polite. Don’t be a dumb-ass!

The policeman carries a loaded gun with him at all times, in addition to pepperspray, a baton, and handcuffs. He is lawfully empowered to accost strangers on the street, pull over motor vehicles on public motorways, issue commands to citizens, and forcibly drag lawbreakers to jail. If you piss off a cop, or are so stupid as to make threatening statements and furtive movements in his presence, he can kick the shit out of you and charge you with a crime. If you have a problem with a cop — even if you are in the right — it will be your word against his, and who do you think the average citizen would be more inclined to trust? First and foremost, the policeman is entitled to your respect because he is dangerous.

The policeman is responsible for responding to calls for emergency assistance and apprehending criminals, as well as a vast array of less interesting tasks (like filing accident reports, returning stolen property, getting drunk drivers off the road, and volunteering in the community). The policeman also is entitled to your respect because he performs a valuable service.

The police have an incredibly difficult job to perform. They are responsible for protecting the citizenry, many of whom either feel entitled to order them about like servants, or are openly hostile. The police are used to being lied to, condescended to, and yelled at. They see the ugliest aspects of human nature (which are usually kept hidden). They never know when they might be written up, sued, or attacked for simply performing their assigned duties. Police work is a very high stress profession, and it takes its toll. Lastly, the policeman is entitled to your respect because he deserves it.

This is a very controversial area, as individual "rights" vary greatly between locales, and changes in the law are being made with great regularity. The finer points of Constitutional Law (particularly the Fourth Amendment protections versus improper searches) can be argued about by hair-splitting jurists for weeks on end, but all you really need to know is that a cop can, and will, do whatever the fuck he wants — and unless you’ve got a high-powered criminal attorney on retainer, there probably isn’t a damn thing that you can do about it.

Generally speaking, a policeman needs "probable cause" to believe that you have committed a crime in order to search your person, vehicle, or home. The courts have allowed police to implement "pat-down frisks" for weapons if they have lawfully detained someone for questioning (this is "for the policeman’s protection"), but a more intrusive search (such as asking someone to turn their pockets inside out or take off their shoes) could only be implemented if the policeman has reasonable cause to believe that the individual has committed a crime. If asked to state his probable cause for initiating a search, a policeman is obligated to provide it.

"Voluntary" searches ("do you mind if I have a look in your vehicle?) should always be questioned, if not refused, simply based upon principals. Once an individual has "consented" to a search, he has waived his 4^th amendment rights. America cannot yet be regarded as a totalitarian regime, and while certain illusory "rights" tend to exist, they should be exercised — after all, once a search is underway, you cannot suddenly "change your mind." Nothing good can possibly come of a search. It is demeaning, it leaves a mess for you to deal with, and it gives an unscrupulous officer ample opportunity to plant contraband.

Generally, you are not required by law to supply a police officer with requested information. However, deliberately lying with intent to mislead a police officer can result in criminal charges (filing a false report, obstruction of justice, accessory to a crime, harboring a fugitive, or criminal impersonation). Just because you are aware that a crime has been committed by a particular individual does not legally compel you to rat that individual out (unless you are being questioned in a court of law, in which other rules apply, and silence could be construed as "contempt of court").

The difference between being "detained" and "arrested" varies between locales. Generally speaking, if you are grabbed, or told to "freeze," by a policeman, you have been detained for questioning, and can be charged with a crime if you choose to resist or flee. However, if you were to ask the policeman "Am I under arrest?" and were told "No," then technically, you would probably be free to go. If you are placed under arrest, the policeman is required to tell you what you’ve been charged with.

A citizen’s right to "assemble peaceably," accost passers-by, speak his mind, carry weapons, or defend himself varies greatly between locales. Often, permits (or other forms of official "permission") are required for such activities. If you intend to engage in similar activity, it is of the upmost importance that you have first researched the pertinent statutes (and can quote them, if necessary).

Technically, a citizen has the right to "resist unlawful arrest," but the instances in which a jury has sided with the defendant on such matters are extremely rare. Remember, it is your word against his, and the policeman is the physical embodiment of the State’s authority. Be advised, if you choose to forcefully resist an "unlawful arrest" you will probably wind up in the emergency room charged with multiple felonies. You need to be realistic about such matters, and ask yourself: is it really worth it?

If you have been confronted by the police, and believe that you are being unlawfully abused, a camcorder or microcassette recorder can prove invaluable. If you are commanded to "Shut that thing off!" you could innocently reply, "What have you got to hide?" In today’s political climate, most policemen would be very cautious about violating the law if they knew their words and actions were being recorded (just don’t be antagonistic about it).

Generally speaking, it is extremely ill-advised to freely admit to any form of unlawful activity, whether it be driving "recklessly," owning a prohibited weapon, smoking marijuana, or launching a "pre-emptive strike" versus a belligerent miscreant. Even if you unofficially admit to such activity "off the record," it can still be used against you in a court of law (never trust a "cop’s promise"— you might as well be confiding to a salesman, a politician, or an evangelist). Remember, "anything you say can, and will, (be twisted and rephrased then) be used against you," so you are strongly urged to never volunteer unsolicited information, and to keep your answers as brief as possible (without appearing to be deliberately rude or unhelpful).

Furthermore, never incriminate anyone else! If you decide to rat out your friends for past misdeeds (or possessing contraband), you’re lower than dogshit and deserve to be boiled alive. If you are "busted" for a crime, the police will often offer you "leniency" (which they cannot guarantee — although they might say otherwise) in exchange for information. Do not be tempted to dishonor yourself in such a despicable manner. The only time informing can be justified is if the criminal being informed upon is a predatory deviant whose continued freedom puts innocent people at grave risk of serious harm.

Prior to interrogation by the police (or even simple "questioning" about your suspected participation in a criminal act), you are supposed to be read your rights, as enumerated under the Miranda Act (although this is rarely done). These rights state, among other things, that you have the "right to remain silent," that you "have the right to consult with an attorney," and that you may stop answering questions at any time. If you elect to remain silent or consult with an attorney, all questioning must immediately cease. Miranda is a load of bullshit. It is seldom enforced, and recent court decisions have effectively eliminated it. Remember, if a cop says that he "read you your rights" and you then voluntarily waived them, it is your word against his — and I’m willing to bet that your word won’t mean shit in court. Furthermore, never consent to a polygraph examination to "prove your innocence." Policemen and politicians routinely refuse to submit to polygraph examinations on the grounds that they’re "not required to." Polygraphs often prove inaccurate (they detect physiological responses to stress and nervousness) and the results can easily be altered. Remember, even though you might be telling the truth, if the machine says that you told a lie, you lied.

In the event that you are required to defend yourself, instead of meticulously explaining why you felt that you needed to use physical force, you could use simple non-incriminating phrases like: "I didn’t mean to hurt him," "He didn’t give me any choice," or "I thought he was going to kill me!" If, however, there’s a body on the floor, it would probably be best if you told the police that you’d feel more comfortable having your lawyer answer their questions (expect to be arrested anyway). Never say stupid shit like "I told him to stop, and he didn’t, so I double-tapped into his center-of-mass."

Irregardless of what most of us have been taught all our lives, the policeman is not our friend (indeed, many xenophobic cops view the common citizenry with thinly veiled contempt, and perceive lawbreakers as subhuman). He is more like a force of nature, to be wary of and avoided whenever possible. If circumstances require that you need to speak with the police, you are strongly urged to exercise great caution. Anything you say "can and will be used against you," and any "furtive" or quick motion could be construed as your reaching for a concealed weapon (which could easily result in your immediate profuse ventilation). Remember, a policeman may lie, threaten, or make false promises in order to manipulate you into exposing your weaknesses. Be aware of this tendency, and don’t allow it to shock you.

Please do not infer that this section implies any sort of animosity towards law enforcement personnel. There are many good cops out there, and they have our respect and support, however, it seems that their numbers are dwindling as we progress into the new millennium (this may be due, in part, to the indoctrination of new recruits at the Academies, as well as the increasing militarization of our police forces). Whether "drugs" or "terrorism" is the stated enemy, expect to see a lot more of our "rights" erode over the next decade, in the name of "public safety."

Be aware of your "rights," because if you don’t know what they are, then they do not exist. Knowledge is power.