by Marc "Animal" MacYoung; Paladin Press, 1989, 247 pgs

Without a doubt, Cheap Shots (subtitled A Down and Dirty Book on Streetfighting and Survival) is the finest introductory self-defense text available at any price — no shit, no lie. It is the first book on our "Required Reading" list for good reason, and needs to be included in your personal collection.

This is unlike any other self-defense book you’ve ever read. In addition to the basic concepts and techniques, Animal often has a tendency to ramble off on divergent topics, sharing anecdotes, philosophy, humor, and minute details — he also likes to cuss a lot. Everything he teaches is relevant, useful, and has been tested "in the field." Animal does not bullshit, and warns us about those who do.

This "introductory" book will open a lot of people’s eyes. It will instruct the average citizen how to be better prepared for violent encounters, as well as give the classically trained martial artist a well-needed "reality check." Even veteran warriors can learn something new from Animal. The information contained within these pages can save your ass.

A few excerpts indicative of this volume’s scope follow:

"Some people have asked me what it is that makes me qualified to write this book. These people are often distraught when I tell them that my major qualification is that I’m still breathing. They somehow don’t think that means anything. The number of my friends, enemies, and acquaintances of whom that can no longer be said should be an indication that it is an extremely good qualification." (p. xiii)

"This isn’t an abstract theory book on strategy or a "how-to-fight" book. There’s too much of my own blood spattered on the street for me to write that sort of garbage. It’s not that sort of book for one simple reason — it’s more. It consists of things that I have seen and noticed over the years, things which I pass on to you in the hope you won’t have to bleed to learn them, as I did." (p. 2)

"Most situations are not combat; they are fights, and therefore less intense. So relax about it. Calmly and rationally knowing that something is dangerous makes it not as dangerous." (p. 6)

"Fighting is not combat! A fight can be many things, and occasionally it can escalate into combat, but it isn’t initially. Combat and fighting call for radically different mindsets. Often, a fight is used to settle disputes and to establish dominance. Combat has no rules. It is a fight to the death or the crippling of your opponent." (p. 12)

"It is impossible to teach true self-defense to someone without them first overcoming fear and the critical voice. True self-defense is an awareness that can’t be switched on instantaneously. It is automatic, in the sense that it is always switched on. Your spirit should automatically rise to defeat your opposition when it has been transgressed. You have your limits and your rights, and nobody has the right to be there unless you give them permission. You are the ruler of yourself, and right or wrong, these are the things that you hold sacred. You would rather die than see them defaced." (p. 11)

"Practice scuttling around, bobbing and weaving, twisting and tumbling; do anything until you learn how to dodge. Tumbling and rolling is real important. Don’t worry about form; learn how to tumble and pop back up onto your feet. This will teach you to roll out of danger if you’re knocked down." (p. 20)

"There are literally thousands of different types of blows. There are more ways to cream your fellow human being than you can imagine. As odd as it may seem, most of these can be put into four categories. These are: Setups; Rattlers; Maimers; and Nighty Nite Bunny Rabbits." (p. 35)

"Never, ever, lock your elbow! When you strike, no matter what form, your elbow should be bent slightly. It complicates things slightly, but then so does a broken elbow. . . With the elbow locked, it is incredibly easy to trap the arm, and then with the proper motion snap the elbow." (pp. 52-53)

"The only real law I have ever discovered about kicks is incredibly easy to understand, and if you’re into self-preservation, it ain’t too hard to follow. It is simply this: In actual combat, don’t kick above waist level!! . . . If there is one thing that I’ve learned, it is that those peachy keeno boot-to-the-head moves are, bar none, the best way there is to get your nuts ripped off and stuffed into your mouth." (pp. 55-56)

"You may see no problem about backing down, but if someone else has an operating model that does have that problem, it could get hairy. Offending someone’s "honor" can be lethal in certain circles. You don’t think you did anything wrong, but he thinks you slighted his honor in front of witnesses. If nobody was there, he could blow it off, but not in front of witnesses." (p. 99)

"When someone goes white (or just pales, depending on his pigment), it means that the blood is rushing away from the skin and into the muscles, readying him for action. People in this state can take blows that would ordinarily drop them and not even feel it — as in, "keep coming at you." Pain sensors get turned off. Adrenaline is pumped. The arms and legs go anaerobic. The pupils contract. Jaw and back muscles constrict. Trembling sometimes occurs. Basically, physiology aside, all hell breaks loose." (p. 115)

"Hiding consists of turning the body in such a way that you can’t see what he’s doing. Never let his hands out of your sight! Doing so is paramount to volunteering to be dogmeat. If he slips a hand out of sight, call him on it! This includes putting his hand in his pockets. I bullshit not on this. For one reason, you don’t know what he’s doing. The other reason I discovered later on, but it’s a wonderful little fact. It isn’t amateurs who spot the hand slipping out of sight, it’s the pros. If you call the schmuck on his hand floating out of sight, it means only one thing; he’s outclassed and he knows it. There is nothing so disturbing as knowing that if you continue messing with someone who knows all your tricks and more, you’re going to die. Again, I stress this: don’t let his hands out of your sight!!!" (p. 128)

"Walk away — you can do that. Simply leave. Don’t grovel or slink; that opens the door to other possibilities. Just say it isn’t worth it to you to fight over this and that you are leaving. Nine times out of ten this will work; the tenth time, though, you might run across someone who isn’t convinced he scared you enough (he would say, "you didn’t learn your lesson") and will follow you." (p. 137)

"With eye contact, most glances can last somewhere between one and two seconds. Anything longer can and will be construed as a threat. Yes, boys and girls, we are talking a one second difference of eye contact can lead to a fight. This is no lie; I have the scars to prove it. If some tough guy looks at you with a "nasty glint in his eye," what is your usual reaction? Right; you look away quickly. That is the best example of what I am saying. By looking away, you have (to him, at least) established that you are Beta to him. This usually tickles his dick, and he leaves you alone. He’s happy, and, unless you know what’s going on, you’re nervous." (p. 161)

"Most people think that a weapon makes them invincible and invulnerable. Bullshit. A weapon is nothing more than an extension. If you try to use it as anything else, you’ll lose against anyone who knows what they’re doing. All the rules of fighting don’t suddenly change just because someone decides not to be an ape and use a tool." (p. 206)

"When you enter a place that you’re not sure of, for whatever reason that may be, crab along the wall. That means when you walk in, find a nice convenient wall and put as much of your back to it as possible. Walk along at a 45 degree angle, looking silly to those that don’t know any better. . . When someone is doing the right moves naturally, people who like to do bad things usually look for easier, less aware targets." (p. 238)

"Just remember, about this in specific and life in general: it’s a little theory and a whole lot of practice. You are your own teacher in these matters; all anyone can do is give you road marks. You must make the voyage yourself." (p. 242)